Love-apples

I realize Valentine's Day is more for lovers, but anymore, I'm focusing on just the love.

Sure, one reason for that may be that any beaux I have recently(ish) entertained weren't Valentine material.  And yes, it IS a lonely, lonely feelin' when yer valentine is wrong (nod to the '97s). 

Moreover, though, it was Valentine's season when we began to lose my sweet mom.  I can still see the hospital halls and waiting rooms decorated with hearts and cupids. The cases at the donut shop where I stopped to buy her a secret maple cream-filled when she started to get really, really sick was full of pink-and-red-frosted treats.  She sent me a Valentine's text from her room at Marietta Memorial.

The memory of losing her is what I now associate with Valentine's Day.

In the past, I faced this day thinking about whether or not I had "someone," whether my son's cards were ready to go for the classroom party, whether or not I'd receive a Valentine of some sort...

Now the day arrives with the memories of my last two weeks with my mother.  

So the only way I can possibly face this time of year is to focus on the love.

My mom knew me better than anyone else on this planet knew or knows me.  Her love was and is the purest love ever in my life.  My mom truly believed in love.  She lived it.

And while today has been okay, I know the next couple of weeks will be rough.  Like Christmas, it has been harder the second year around.  I know my sister feels all this, too... She was also blessed to know the strength and comfort of our mom's love, and she was there at the end, too.  I know she feels what I'm feeling.  I'll be sure to tell her I love her today.  Knowing I have my her, and knowing that she knows this same pain, makes this time of year easier to face.

Life without our mom will never feel quite right, and this day will probably never feel quite like a reason to celebrate, regardless of who I'm with or not with. I imagine I'll associate Valentine's Day with saying goodbye for a long, long time to come.

Still, I'll carry on.  And I'll believe that love will see me through.